just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
