Plan B is the new Plan A
Yo dont text me then not text me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
