He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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