6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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