Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
