I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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