we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
