The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
