We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
