i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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