she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
