for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
