I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize