I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
