hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize