Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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