a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
