No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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