Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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