In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
