go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
