Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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