We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
