Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
