I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
