New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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