dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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