he puts the penis in happiness.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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