Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
