Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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