I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
