This is the prime rib incident all over again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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