Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
