okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
