I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
