Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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