you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
