I can text with my tongue
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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