You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
