i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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