The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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