I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
