Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
pray to the hookup gods
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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