i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
