i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Holy shit dude........stairs
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
