I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
