I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
