just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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