so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
