Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
