I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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