I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
