I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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