Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
