I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he puts the penis in happiness.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
