The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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