My Higher Power is John Stamos
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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