Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
