Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
