I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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