friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I enjoy the company of your penis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
