He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
