omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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