I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
