she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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