It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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