no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
