He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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