You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
