Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
