did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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