when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize