Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
