I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
