you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize