1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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