I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
