I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
